This Podcast Almost Didn’t Launch… Dealing With Setbacks & Hard Times

This podcast almost didn’t launch... honestly, there were a lot of times I thought it never would.

In this episode, I’m talking about setbacks, hard times, and what it looks like to keep going when things feel like they're just not working out in your favor. From almost giving up on this podcast to trying countless ways to stay grounded, this is a real look at dealing with failure, launching something new, and trusting that things might be unfolding exactly how they’re supposed to.

If you’re going through a hard time, feeling stuck, or questioning something in your life right now… this one’s for you.

If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you 🤍
Leave a comment on Spotify or DM me on Instagram (@monicagbulnes) and tell me what this episode made you think about or what you’re currently going through. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

This is the kicker. This is where shit went south. I get an email exactly one week before the launch of my podcast saying, Hi Monica, I saw your announcement for your podcast, Fine. I'll go first. My nonprofit and company own the federally registered trademark for I'll go first. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Hello and welcome back to another episode of That Changes Things, the podcast where we talk about little mindset shifts that can change everything. I'm your host, Monica Bolnez, and today I've been thinking a lot about the way we handle hard times when no one's watching. And I really want to tell you guys why I'm feeling this way, but Kat's not out of the bag yet. So all I can say is we may potentially be moving, Josh and I. And it's been a really, really crazy ride because there's so many emotions and there's a lot to do. And it's been really hard. It's been hard to feel creative. It's been hard to balance work and home life and also just being able to like chill and enjoy life and not be stressed all the time, constantly doing something. And as much as I don't want to give a lot of detail, I also want this podcast to be a place where I can come invent. I want it to be like therapy because I feel like when I see into other people's brains and they're just like vulnerable and let themselves talk and say what's in their head, I learn a lot. And I love just like talking about my thoughts and understanding how my brain works and stuff. So that's the whole point of this podcast for me to like talk about shit that people normally don't talk about and like open up about. So as much as it's hard to sit down right now and just like film a podcast in the middle of all this chaos, I'm doing it. And I literally feel like you know that meme of the dog that's like sitting drinking coffee and there's just like fire all around him, and he's like, I'm fine, everything is fine. That's literally me right now. And I've been thinking a lot about how I wanted to present this podcast because I can't share more information about what I'm going through right now, or rather, I don't want to because I'm currently in the middle of going through it. So um, I'm gonna share a tough time that I recently went through that I also couldn't talk about at the time, which was the creation and launching of this podcast. Because so much shit went down with this podcast that you guys would not even believe. If you follow me on Instagram, you know that there was a name change to the podcast. And originally this podcast was gonna be called Fine, I'll go first. And right before I was launching, something happened and I ended up having to change my podcast name. So I'm gonna tell you guys all about that really hard time that I just went through because looking back at it, that hard time was pivotal for me because I handled it so drastically different than I have ever handled things before. And believe it or not, it's actually given me a lot of like guidance and kept me really sane through this hard time. So I figured if if that experience helped me, then I think it could help a lot of people. So I'm going to share the story of what the hell happened with my podcast when I was trying to launch it. So I started working on this podcast eight months ago in September 2025. And I knew I wanted to record three episodes to start. I wanted to record an intro episode and I wanted to pick a theme song. I had to pick a name, of course, and create podcast cover art, and then also create like social media um like promo stuff, like reels promoting the launch of the podcast. And that's a lot of stuff, right? Like that took me three months to prep all of that. And I was getting to the point where I was so done, like just preparing all these materials and having this project that no one knew anything about. Like I was just ready to launch it and get into a rhythm of posting episodes every two weeks. Like things would happen in my life, and I wanted to be able to like talk about them and share them on this podcast, but it just wasn't, it didn't exist yet. And yeah, I could record episodes up the wazoo if I wanted to, but I had to work on branding and creating my podcast cover and stuff like that. So it was just like a really, really tricky time, and there was a lot of work to be done, and I was ready to just get it out in the world. But at the same time, Josh and I went on a cruise for a brand partnership. And then around the same time, I think that was in October, and then in November, I was turning 30 and I really wanted to like do it up and travel, go somewhere different. And Josh and I decided to go to Japan. So I kind of like traded the launch of the podcast to go to Japan. And I think anyone, anyone would, right? Like just launch that shit later. It's really not that deep. But I think the problem with it is that I I just like I had this story or this narrative in my head that I kept telling myself that I never finish anything. Like looking back at when I was a kid, I just like would never finish any of the art that I would do. And I never really like played any sports. I I did track in high school, and um, I was not this like stellar track star by any means. Um, and I think a lot of like social media stuff started to take a toll because I made a booty program. I remember back when like fitness and like selling booty PDFs online and stuff like that was like all the rage. Um, and I remember I created my booty program. I got, you know, my sales of my supporters and stuff like that. And after that, I was like, I really don't care to like continue making content. I knew I would have had to make like booty, booty content, like or just fitness videos in general. And that's not the direction that I really was trying to take with my page and stuff because fitness was like a an outlet for me. It was something that I like to do in my in my spare time. Like it was genuinely my hobby, and I wasn't like passionate about helping people with their fitness. I just like working out myself. And when I realized that, I mean, I just kind of like left the booty program be and I didn't touch it again. And I had also been working at a painting at the time, and I was having a really hard time finishing that, and I was like, bro, why can't I finish anything? Like I started this podcast thing, I was so excited, and I got that high that you get at the beginning of starting a new thing, like a new hobby or a new job or whatever. That's like, oh, you're so excited and you see all the potential with it and you want to do all the things. And then once that kind of like wears off, where do you stand? You know, like where does that leave you? And I felt like it was a running story that it always just left me like feeling fucking lazy and just not wanting to do anything. Feeling lazy, sorry, I shouldn't curse because that was mean to Monica. She doesn't deserve that. But I I think you might be able to relate to what I'm saying. And if you can't, then that's freaking amazing. Then this episode isn't for you, okay? It's for us people over here who have a hard time staying committed to something after you finish buying all of the fun supplies and romanticizing this thing in your head. I also want to put a disclaimer out there because I'm talking about hard times, and I just wanna say that it could always be worse. Like I'm talking about things like moving and your podcast launch not going to plan. And I know how that can just sound totally tone-deaf, and there are way bigger issues, of course. I e please see my first episode about almost dying. Like there's so much worse that could be happening, but at the same time, thinking about something so much worse doesn't really make you feel better about what you're going through because you're still a human at the end of the day, and life is still really hard, and there are ups and downs, and in the downtimes, you have to learn how to pick yourself back up, you know? Like things can really hurt you and keep you down, and that's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about life hurdles and hardships that just feel like like mountains instead of grains of sand. And to someone else, it could be a grain of sand, but to you, it feels like a mountain right now, and that's okay. You're allowed to feel however you feel, and you don't have to feel bad because someone else is dealing with something worse. You're not them, so it's hard to even like fathom and mentally imagine what they're going through. So you just have to go through what you're going through and just try to do the best you can with what you have in front of you. So yeah, that's my disclaimer. So I waited until I came back from Japan and then the holidays came, of course. So I had no intention of skipping the holidays to launch my podcasts, and then January came and everything kicks up in January, I feel like, because it's just like a time where everyone's just ready for a new beginning. And I was working on the social aspect of promoting my podcast once it launched. So come February, I posted my first reel announcing the official launch of Fine I'll Go First, the podcast name I had before. Um, and the launch date was February 12th. And then this is the kicker. This is where shit went south. I get an email on February 5th, exactly one week before the launch of my podcast, saying, Hi Monica, XYZ, I saw your announcement for your podcast, Fine, I'll go first, and I wanted to reach out directly before your launch. My nonprofit and company own the federally registered trademark for I'll go first, which we've used across podcasting media and since 2019. To avoid any legal conflict or name confusion, I'm asking that you change your podcast title before February 10th. Using the name or anything close to it would constitute trademark infringement. To make things easier for you, I wanted to extend a courtesy in advance to give you time to rebrand before things are live. My heart sank to my asshole. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? I'm finally launching this shit, trying to, and now I have to change my name because this random person on the internet said they will take legal action against me if I don't. Like, my first reaction was anger. I was pissed the fuck off. I was like, first of all, it's the name is fine, I'll go first. So I wish it didn't fucking matter that you have trademarked I'll go first, because that's technically not the name of my podcast. First of all. Second of all, who are you to give me the deadline to change my name before February 10th? Like, you can't just make shit up. I'm sure, yes, it would be illegal for me to use this, considering this you have a trademark and this is a nonprofit organization. Fine. I did not realize because I definitely looked up fine, I'll go first instead of I'll go first. And I didn't catch that. But I don't know, maybe it's just because of the headspace that I was in. But I was like, damn, you got some balls to come come write a stranger an email and be like, listen, I'm gonna give you a deadline and you need to have this straightened out in l in less than a week. And thank God that I have been on this self-improvement journey for so long to know that anger is the easiest emotion to reach for. And just because it's loud doesn't mean that it's necessarily the best way to handle things. But sometimes it's the immediate reaction that you have to something and you gotta just like let yourself be pissed the fuck off before you move on and you're like, okay, fine. That that's right. Like you're that's a fair point. You purchased a trademark. Um, yeah, it took me a while to get there, that's for sure, because um I was in a time crunch and I had already postponed the launch of this podcast for probably like I don't know, four or five months at this point. Um, but you know what I did? I wrote this woman an angry letter. The kind of letter that you can never send, ever. The kind of letter that is supposed to die in your journal and hopefully be burned by your loved ones after you pass so that no one can ever see. And then I read that letter to Josh and it really, really helped because I was just able to say everything that I wanted to say, and I didn't have to send it to her. So I had to announce that I had to delay the launch of the podcast yet again because of the rebranding, and I knew that I needed to rebrand, but I was just too freaking pissed to do anything. So I just like had to let myself be mad for like three days, and I feel like that's a huge, huge thing that I just like allow myself to do. Like, I I'm angry right now. Yes, I'm angry, I'm pissed off, I'm salty, I'm bitter, whatever the fuck it is. I just let myself be in that emotion. And I think the only part that needs adjusting is how long you let yourself sit in that emotion. Because I think with this podcast situation, I didn't let myself sit in it for too long because I was aware that it could easily just, you know, you could sit in that forever and just be pissed off. And I could have never launched this podcast. It could have been like, all right, well, if that's the way it's gonna be, like, if really I'm not supposed to have a podcast because there's really been that many things throwing me off and just not allowing me to complete this project, then fine, I won't have a podcast. I could have been spiteful, but like who does that help? Because I'm sure that lady doesn't give a shit. She just wants no one to use her trademark. She doesn't care if I have a podcast or not. It not me not making the podcast doesn't do anything. It doesn't spite her and it doesn't help me because then I never get to see this thing come to fruition. So I think I just let myself be in that anger for a little bit, which is nice and a tool that I have come to really, really enjoy in other times of hardship. And I think me making this episode is also a sign of me allowing myself to experience an emotion. And you know, you also don't have to show up so perfectly all the time. Like you're allowed to be pissed off and just like kind of going through the motions for a little bit. I think social media has given us this impression, this false impression that everyone's just like perfect all the time and you can't show up imperfectly, or you know, you're not gonna, it's not gonna look good. You're not gonna get enough views, or people aren't gonna think you're cool enough or pretty enough or whatever it is. Like, I don't know. I've done a lot of work to try like letting that go because I think it's really cool when people show up just as they are, and that's what this episode is, because of lessons that I have learned through experiences just like this one. The way I would have handled this before would just be to spiral. And I did not know it was called spiraling. I got that from a therapist years ago. But basically, it's like kind of just when like sh shit goes wrong, and you have this like you're angry, you're upset, you're sad, whatever it is, you have this negative filter on life in that moment, and then everything else starts to look mad shitty. Like it's just the same as when you're down in a bad mood, and then everything starts to piss you off. For example, Josh and I live in a corner townhome apartment right now, and there are constantly dog walkers in this apartment complex that like to let their dogs urinate on our front lawn. And to them, it's not a front lawn, it's just like a little walkway for the apartment complex entrance. But to us, there's dogs pissing and shitting on our front lawn, and it's really gross and it stains and it also smells, and other dogs come and pee there too because they see the pee. And this pisses me off. On a normal day, I'm just like, I don't give a shit. I don't at this point we've lived here for a year, I don't even bother, I don't even look at it. But if I'm pissed off, if I'm in a bad mood, you know damn well if anyone's freaking peeing out there, I'm gonna be pissed off and I'm gonna see it and it's gonna bother me. And I actually looked this up because I was curious if this was like a psychological thing that actually happens, and it is, it's called negative attentional bias, actually, in psychology. And and it also mentioned that positive things barely register when you're in this headspace. And that's why when you're feeling down and feeling shitty and someone tries to come make you feel better and it does not work at all, it just like kind of goes one ear and out the other, and like the words don't have weight the way that they normally should, you know? That's just because of a lens that you have on life at that current moment, and it'll go away. And the way that it goes away is actually through movement. That's why you pace when you're upset, because feelings in your body are actually a physical like response, they're physical, and moving your physical body can actually help you move through emotions. And I didn't know this until I just looked it up. It sounds like it makes a lot of sense, right? That's why we go for walks and we feel so much better and we have clarity, but that is not how I used to deal with shit. I definitely would just mope and spiral, and I would just be like upset for days, and I would almost like punish myself with thoughts that would bother me and just stay in that headspace because I felt like I wasn't deserving of being in any other headspace. And that's exactly why the way that I handled this podcast name change was so revolutionary to me and was so unheard of because I just went into like overdrive. I was like, okay, I wrote the angry letter. I'm done with this lady. She's not gonna be affected. She's she plays no role in this podcast, she has nothing to do with the podcast. I have to change the name, fine. And I just started like trying to figure out what the name was, trying to figure out okay, what was this podcast originally about? What is the message I want to share? What do all these three episodes have in common? Can I salvage parts of the old name? Like I started mentally working through what I was looking for in a podcast name. And for the next week, it was just like this flow state. Whatever my body or mind needed, I would give it to it. I would follow the breadcrumb that it gave me. For example, let's say I felt like, I don't know, moving. I just felt like going for a walk. I'd go for a walk. I would journal. If I had a lot of thoughts and I just couldn't stop overthinking, I would journal and just put it all out on a paper. If I got an idea, I would make a separate list and like start putting all the different podcast name ideas I had like in different sheets and organizing them and categorizing them, trying to pull out concepts from each name. Why did I think this name was a good idea? What word can I extract from this and maybe find like a synonym? And maybe that would lead me to what the name is supposed to be. Then whenever I felt like really, really trapped, or I just like couldn't regulate my mood, or I felt an idea come in and I wanted to expand on it, I would meditate. For example, for a little while there, I thought that the name of the podcast was gonna be something about a room. Like I wanted us to feel like we were in a room together, you and I, and we're I would like we're just conversing. And it was like the not the podcast room, but like the venting room, let's say, or like I don't know, the vibes room or something like that. So I did like an entire extensive meditation to try to picture the room. What did it look like? What did it feel like, sound like, smell like, what was the lighting like to try to see if there were any ideas there? I had so many different lists of podcast idea, name ideas like in my notes on my phone. I had one on my iPad, on my computer, I had one in my journal, multiple ones, just like scrap paper. I was just like tossing out. It was the most beautiful chaos I've ever created. And Josh was just like watching me flow, and I would just get up and be like, sorry, I gotta meditate. But it felt good because I put myself first. I put my feelings and my emotions first and I let it lead me, which is something that I've never done before. And it has really helped me during this time as well to honor that feeling of needing fresh air or needing to talk to someone and get words on paper instead of ignoring it. Cause I think a lot of the way that I used to do things with like the spiraling was ignoring things that I knew would make me feel better because I just wanted to stay mad, you know, like stay in that emotion instead of finding ways to help myself out. Like I just needed to throw myself a really big pity party. And now my perspective is throw the pity party, that's fine, but know when to bring it to an end and when everyone's gotta leave and go home and you need to water your grass again. And then all of a sudden, I got it. Peel it back. It was gonna be the peel it back podcast. I went back to my branding. I started making a new podcast cover, I started updating my title everywhere that I needed to, and then it was time to sit down and write a new intro, to record a new intro for the podcast, welcoming you guys. It was a one-minute episode, and I sat down for hours trying to figure out what I wanted to record in that one-minute intro. Even if you know nothing about podcasting, this should not be that hard. It's just one minute. It probably needs to be like three to five minutes of footage max to cut it down to a minute, if if even that. But I think when I sat down and and I realized like this was so hard that this was not the name. I was like, damn, if this was the name, I wouldn't feel like I need to rebrand my entire podcast. Like everything felt like it had to change. And it didn't feel like it was changing in a good way. It felt like it was changing in a really weird, weird direction. So I was like, oh, okay, I guess I'm back to the drawing board. I need to scratch all my ideas and figure out a new name. But I think the light at the end of the tunnel was trusting that deep down, This was happening for a reason. And I could have very well just been like, look, I don't finish things. See, I just proved it to myself. Like shh, something else happened. And like that could have been the determining factor that could have stopped me from making the podcast. But instead, I just kept telling myself, the universe is testing me and making sure that I really want this. Do I really want this? Let me show the universe how bad I want this, that nothing's gonna stop me, no matter how many freaking hurdles it puts in my way. And I think that is a mindset shift that I would love to hold on to for as long as I possibly can, because just seeing it differently will help you attack it differently. It'll give you a determination that you see on other people sometimes, and you're just like, how is that person still grinding, doing the same thing? It's because they really want it, and that sets you apart. The people who succeed are the people who keep going, even when 99% of people would stop. And that's what got me through to continue trying to figure out what the name of my podcast was. And then it happened, it finally happened. I remember that day so vividly because I was in the shower. It was actually a shower thought. And I had a few names that came to my mind. So as soon as I hopped out of the shower, I grabbed my iPad and I wrote down that changes things and a few other ones. I looked into them once I was sat down on my computer and I was like, uh, I don't really like any of these. They don't really speak to me. Maybe they're a little too long, whatever. And then I made another list later that day, and I wrote down that changes things again somehow, and I didn't even realize. And I had like a few other names on the list, and I kept looking at that changes things, and I looked it up and it wasn't taken, and I liked the vibe it gave. And I remember telling Josh, I think I have it, I think this is the one. And I was like jumping up and down, I was so excited. And Josh was like, No freaking way. Okay, like how did you how did you arrive at this? And I'm like trying to tell him everything that I had done that day to kind of lead up to thinking of this name, like where exactly it came from in the thought process. And in that, I remembered that I had some ideas in the shower, and I like as part of the story, grabbed the iPad to be like, Oh, look, like I started today by like having some shower thoughts, and I think that kind of kick-started, you know, like thinking of a name today. And I unlocked the iPad, and that changes things, is literally sitting on that page. And Josh and I looked at each other like, oh, what the fuck? That's wild. It was so weird. It was weird. It was like the idea had visited me, and I was like, nah, I don't know. And then it revisited me and was like, hello, do you want me? I'm a really good idea. It was it was crazy that that happened. And that just makes me think of this book that I read years ago called Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. If you've never read it before, it's just about creativity and understanding your creativity. And she talks about ideas and how they're kind of like little fairies, let's say. I don't know if that's exactly how she describes it, but that's how I remember and like envision it. Um, so ideas are like little fairies and they come and visit you. Like maybe they'll visit you in a dream or they'll visit you in a shower thought or whatever, and they're like, hey, hi, I'm an idea. Would you like to execute me? And you can either be like, wow, this is such a great idea. Of course I'm gonna execute on this, like that changes things, or it sounds like a great idea, but you're like, I'm not really gonna execute on this. Like when you get a great genius invention idea, like that's you think will revolutionize the world or like change the landscape of fast food restaurants forever. And then you're like, what the hell do I do with this idea? Like, I'm not actually gonna pitch it to anyone or sell it to anyone or do anything with it. So the idea kind of dies. And then, like, years later, you see someone like do that thing or create that product that you thought of years ago, and you're like, yo, I had that idea. Like, I could have been rich, but you didn't do anything with the idea. That's like a random, like ramble side note about like ideas visiting you. But yeah, ideas will go away if you don't execute on them. If it's not your idea to execute, then that's fine. Bless and release, and it'll find someone else, or it's your idea and it visited you for a reason. And I believe that with That Changes Things, it visited me twice for a reason because it was destined to be the name of this podcast. And as the podcast has played out, it has been more apparent than ever that That Changes Things is the name for the podcast and the best possible name because looking back, it is now, I'm so happy to say, a blessing in disguise that that woman came to me with that trademark issue because I would have never, I wouldn't, the name would have been Final Go First. And now looking back, Final Go First was not it. Like when I tell you, the moment that I changed the name of the podcast to that change of things, everything fell into place. The intro episode took me like two, three minutes. It was just like a flow state. And in doing that, it set the tone for the way that I wanted this podcast to shape up. And my other sign that this was exactly how it was supposed to work out is the way my podcast cover art totally did uh a 180 after the name change. I had an idea when I first decided to launch this podcast for some reason of the cover being three different versions of me. One version of me who was going first, since it was fine, I'll go first. Like that person was taking a leap to be vulnerable and speak about their thoughts and their fears and all that stuff on this podcast. And then it was like two other pictures of me, but there were like different versions of me who were like tuned out of their emotions or were like preoccupied with their phone or not paying attention. And I did my photo shoot for the podcast with this in mind. But then when I went to hire an artist to create the podcast cover art for Final Go First with those images, he said it was confusing that there were three versions of me. And that idea had to be scrapped, but it felt like an idea that I got from source for the podcast. So when I came out with my new thumbnail for Final Go First, I felt like it was good, but it wasn't the original idea. Once I decided the name was that change of things, I went back and I was like, holy shit, I think my original podcast cover art idea actually makes so much sense now. And there it is. My actual podcast cover art that I currently have that was birthed from this mistake that wasn't supposed to happen and was seemingly a bad thing, but actually turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to this podcast. And that's one of the most bittersweet things about hard times in your life. That yes, they're so, so shitty and they hurt so bad and they bring you down and you lose confidence and you don't feel good about the chapter you're going through. And it's hard to hold your head high, and you maybe can compare yourself to people or feel like you don't want to be around people because you just don't feel like yourself. But in that little incubator, things are happening that need to happen in order for you to step into the next chapter of your life. In order for you to be ready, you need to go through the hard times because life is ups and downs, not just ups. We won't learn shit without the bad times. The bad times teach us what we need, give us the fuel we need for the good times. And it was just a lot easier to arrive at that conclusion by letting myself first be pissed the fuck off, then to process my emotions in many different ways of my choosing, and then get to work and not allow myself to sulk for too long to actually start playing an active role in my recovery and like trying to see the good in things, changing my perspective on it, and not being such a negative Nancy about it. I also saw the power of a mindset shift. And I think that's how that changes things. The name itself was actually born because during this like podcast identity crisis, I realized that's all it was. It was mindset shifts that I wanted to share. It was mindset shifts that I have had, lenses I've put on tough situations that have gotten me to the other side. And going through this experience and building the podcast was so symbolic because it proved that I personally use mindset shifts to help me in my life. And I pride myself on being able to look at things from a different perspective in order to make peace with them or reason with them or understand them better. And that I knew I wanted to share those perspectives with the world and with you. So it was just like so symbolic that I was proving to myself that this podcast made so much sense and it gave shape to the identity of the podcast. I guess what I'm trying to say is the trick for me is asking, what is this hard time trying to teach me? And yeah, tons of people could argue that there's no rhyme or reason for any of it, and and good bad things happen to good people, and we all go through shit and life is shitty, and they could be right, but I choose to believe that hard times are pointing me in a better direction, and that makes me feel better at the end of the day. Our thoughts and our beliefs are just that. They're just thoughts, they're just beliefs, and we either use them to help us move through things and cope with the harder pills to swallow in life, or you don't. But I think I'd rather have my thoughts and beliefs support me instead of make me feel like shit. So overall, I think this experience taught me a few things. One, I do finish things. I'm just learning how to be selective about what I finish. Some things are worth your time and attention, and some things aren't. The booty program, not worth my time and attention. I knew I was moving past it. The podcast, worth pushing through to the finish line. Sometimes the stories you tell yourself aren't even true. I learned that if I actually listen to my intuition, I know exactly what I need, especially in hard times. And I can get myself out of that spiral. I've done it before and I can do it again. I learned that if I'm going through something that feels frustrating or unfair, I can ask myself, what could this be trying to show me? What lesson could the universe be trying to teach me? And as cliche as it sounds, some of the biggest setbacks are actually trying to set you up for something better. And the last thing that I learned is the power of an angry letter that you never send to anybody. Sometimes it's the smallest things that can change everything in your life. As always, thanks so much for listening, and I'll catch you in the next one.